Fear of Joy


Following your joy can feel foreign or even scary, especially if you’re used to policing or censoring yourself. This can happen when we use the responses of other people to guide what we say and do. You might do this when you tell yourself, “I shouldn’t express my strong feelings of love, because they may not be received well.” You might worry your relationship is too good to be true. Self-policing can trickle into the smaller, everyday things you do. You might stop yourself from having that second cup of coffee in the morning, not because you believe it’s bad for you, but because someone else told you it is.

Whenever you stop yourself from doing what feels good because it seems more logical, or you’re comparing yourself to others, you’re cutting yourself off from your Source. I have found that I do this any time I stop to wonder, “What will people think?” We all do it, but the degree to which we do it is something to consider.

Right and wrong are not worked out solely in the thinking mind, but also in the heart. If an idea makes you feel good, or you feel no need to hesitate before enacting it, then it’s a good move. If you feel overly anxious, like it’s not the right time, or you’re focused on limitations, it might need to cook for a while longer. Ideally, the heart and mind should work in tandem with one another. Many of us have an imbalance when it comes to the importance we place on one or the other.

We police ourselves in a lot of ways, sometimes without knowing. I used to look at the news first thing in the morning or reply to work e-mails as soon as I opened my eyes. This was when I believed that stress and suffering were necessary parts of life. They may be inevitable at times, but they are not required parts of our experience. They are not our “amount due” in exchange for a good time. Life is much better when we follow the bread crumb trail of what feels good and deal with limitations or “hiccups” as they come, when we’re in the right mindset to handle them productively.

We tell ourselves it is irresponsible to have too much fun, to have peace. We believe we’ll have to pay the piper if we have too much of the good stuff. We shut down on others and cut ourselves off from love when we fear grief.

Now, to go off on a small tangent on grief… I’ve seen quotes about how it is the price we pay for love. I agree, but only because we’re human and perceive separation as truth. We’re not always open to communication from those in the non-physical, and we perceive them as being gone. Otherwise, there would be no grief. Love does not come with a price, although it may seem so from a human perspective. There are things we do for those we love that may sometimes stray far from the norm. Some might declare these things inconveniences. This is all in how you’re choosing to look at things. As for me, I’d like to banish words such as “sacrifice” and “inconvenience” from my vocabulary.

You might wonder, “What if doing what feels good leads to overindulgence?” The good feelings that are purely from our Source, Higher Self, etc. do not motivate us to do things in excess or seek numbing agents. These activities may be drinking alcohol, shopping, eating, etc. When aligned and feeling good, knowing exactly who you are, you might choose to gamble or have a few drinks. But there isn’t this need to go overboard, numb, or lose yourself when you’re coming from a place of balance and wholeness. You can do anything or be with anybody when you come from that place.

Dwelling on what has felt or gone awry in the past can also take you off your bread crumb trail. I have done a lot of dwelling in my life; I’ve gotten some great poetry out of it. Other times, I got nothing from it except another sleepless night. Keeping certain thoughts active brought only more pain. I thought about people who had done things that hurt me, things I couldn’t understand. The more thinking, talking, and writing I did about them, the longer I was stuck in that energy, perpetuating it.

There is a difference between constructive remembering and dwelling. When you feel like dwelling, there is also a difference between stuffing unpleasant feelings and simply dropping what feels too heavy to hold in that moment. You can be aware of how something makes you feel and learn from it without reliving it for a long time. What helps me move forward from a painful experience is knowing that the lessons of the past brought me to a place where I can fully appreciate my present and attract better experiences.

Your life is yours, and no one spends as much time with your feelings and choices as you do. If they did, they might not be questioning you so much.  Joy is a well-deserved reward that comes to you when you apply the lessons you’ve learned from the past. There is no limited supply of it, and the heart and mind are not enemies.

Do not waste one moment in regret, for to think feelingly of the mistakes of the past is to reinfect yourself. “Let the dead bury the dead” [Matthew 8:22; Luke 9:60]. Turn from appearances and assume the feeling that would be yours, were you already the one you wish to be. – Neville Goddard

Living As If – It’s Simpler Than You Think


“Living as if” has been one of those LOA concepts that was always unclear to me.

If you live as if you’re a millionaire, does that mean you’re supposed to go on a shopping spree with your credit cards? Then you sit back and know that the money to pay your bill will come in before your balance becomes past due? If you live as if you already have the relationship you desire, does that mean you can never flirt with anyone else? That you should never bask in the attention of another suitor?

I’ve come to understand this concept in a new way this year, and I want to share my take on it. As a result of living this way, life has become more relaxed. Negative thoughts aren’t as big of a deal as they used to be. And it works!

Living as if isn’t about doing anything that is outside your comfort zone to prove that you are in alignment with your desire. Let’s throw out the idea that we ever have to do anything to prove to the universe that we’re in alignment or deserving.

Alignment is about your ability to feel good and at peace. If you care about how you feel and make your peace a priority, then alignment will come more naturally to you. As far as deserving goes – abundance, love, joy, and peace are our birthright. While some of us may not have come into this life choosing those things, no one person is any more or less deserving of them than another.

In the example of attracting financial abundance, I would try thinking more from the perspective of someone who has been a millionaire for quite some time. If I had been a millionaire for years, and this was my life now, I wouldn’t go on big spending binges or shopping sprees often. Yes, I know that might sound strange. For some of you, maybe retail therapy is your love language to yourself, but it is not mine. Even if it is your language, making a subtle shift first is all it takes to move into this mindset of abundance and create that reality for yourself.

Instead, I would be mindful of the small, day-to-day thoughts I have about money. I would shift my thoughts toward the perspective of having been a millionaire for several years. In that reality, I wouldn’t feel guilty about spending a little extra for a healthy meal that I don’t have to cook myself. I wouldn’t feel concerned about taking money out of my savings account for home repairs or a down payment on a new car. These are all necessary things that add quality to my life.

When a company party came up, and the boss asked everyone to contribute $15 for a small gift, I wouldn’t grumble about that. I wouldn’t feel burdened by it. What’s $15 to a millionaire?

You don’t need to go out of your way or make big purchases that will stress you out later. If you could simply attach less worry to these things that come up in your day-to-day, that would make a huge difference. It’s true that money can’t buy love, but it can eliminate a whole lot of sleepless nights and headaches. Therefore, abundance feels like peace. What other words come to mind when you think of a life where you can always provide for yourself (and have fun, too)?

They key is making small, simple shifts that feel good. It’s not about the dollar amounts you spend or making some grand gesture to prove you’re a different person. Lining up with your more desired version of you is about what you’re thinking in each moment. It’s not only about what you’re doing, but the energy behind those actions. It is better not to take actions that will draw your attention to when and how the windfall is going to come. That puts you in a state of noticing and reaffirming that it’s not here yet, which only attracts more of that reality.

Ask yourself some questions about how you’re spending your day presently. What would be different about that if you were already living your desired reality? “For starters, I wouldn’t go to work!” you might say. Yes, that’s a very good point. You can still go to work without attaching so much importance to the negativity you feel about it. Think about what would make your job more bearable. It is okay if you can’t quite imagine yourself at your dream job or never having to work. Experiencing negative feelings and unwanted manifestations doesn’t have to be a big deal. It is only the importance you attach to them that creates “blocks.”

If you had the relationship you desire, would you be checking your phone throughout the day? Would you scroll through Facebook for hours? This is a nervous habit that many people have, this desire to “check up” on things. When the present reality is far from your desired one, it is better to ignore it as much as possible. Scrolling through your phone to check for signs of your manifestation – or checking anything external for confirmation – is not the best idea. And it’s not living as if.

Should you enjoy the attentions of others or date other people if there is a specific relationship you want to manifest? On the one hand, I feel it is a good idea because it can boost your self-esteem. On the other hand, it may only make you more aware that the person you truly love is absent. These are potentials that you must weigh for yourself. There are no universal rules in manifesting, and there are no limits. It all comes down to your beliefs and feelings. Your truths.

As always, I believe in you. I know you have the ability to create a life you love with everything you desire and more.

Have a great week!