Twin Flames & How I Got My Happy Relationship

nong-vang-9pw4TKvT3po-unsplash

Have you ever noticed that a lot of people who practice spirituality tend to be immersed in story? “I’m a Sagittarius ascendant, Capricorn moon twin flame going through my Saturn return, and in my past life, I was a deserter in the Civil War.” I say this with love and a touch of humor, because I’ve done it too.

We’ll always have story; it’s how we make sense of our lives. The caveat is that you want to make sure the story you’re telling is helpful instead of limiting.

When I was looking for my twin flame, much of the time, I was thinking that it had to be a particular person. I was upset and frustrated. Those emotions were useful, because they got me started in my journey of learning to be happy alone. Subconsciously, I realized the term “twin flame” was one that made healthy, passionate, true love seem far-off and fantastical. It was a limiting story for me. I began the gradual process of detaching from that – which wasn’t easy for me – and learning to have fun with life again.

I’m in a happy relationship now. I sometimes still wonder what on earth I did to deserve a great guy like him, I have been thinking back on what I must have been doing right in order to bring him into my life. I came up with a list that I wanted to share here, especially for those who may be losing hope.

Please don’t judge yourself if you cannot yet do the following, but know that they do help in moving you forward if you feel stuck.

#1: I stopped following the person I thought of as my twin on social media. I messaged him less frequently. I was able to do this because I believed taking action and checking up on him wasn’t necessary to attract him, if this was the connection I believed it to be. Whenever I checked on him or got no response, my mood dipped and I got tired of the way it made me feel. Getting tired of a feeling can be very effective in stopping the behavior pattern that generates it! It is not necessary to block or be mean, or to send a long message detailing all the ways that person has hurt you. Just stop doing what makes you feel crappy. Care about your well-being more than you care about that other person, even if just for a moment.

#2: I stopped looking up twin flame websites, newsletters, podcasts, etc. There are some really amazing writers and speakers out there who focus on this topic, no doubt. Everyone has an interesting perspective and wisdom to offer. But how much time are you investing here? That’s time that you could be spending with friends, improving your living space, or practicing an art or a skill. Or you could just be relaxing and not thinking so much about how you’ll get into a happy relationship with your twin flame. As with anything, check into your feeling state before taking action. If twin flame material is a time-consuming security blanket for you, maybe it’s time to consider cutting back if not entirely stepping away.

#3: I got involved in other aspects of my life. I looked more at my job, living situation, and social life and did what I could to make them better. If I couldn’t do that, I found ways of appreciating what I had. Love is great and arguably the most important area of life. It’s probably what most think about on their death bed, after all. But it isn’t the only one.

#4: I stopped thinking in terms of what needed to be “healed” or “fixed” and started thinking of all the new, amazing things I could create. Healing has its place, but most of it is centered on the past. Creation is about your present and future. Try to balance your healing with creation. Sometimes we get so fixated on solving a problem that we don’t consider what comes next. What can we do from an improved state of mind, or how might we look at life differently? What new hobbies, friends, or abilities might you have? What might you desire next?

#5: I didn’t give up. I knew maybe, maybe the person I’d had my eye on could be with me someday. Then I let it go, meaning I let myself stop worrying about how to make it happen. I stopped waiting, and I didn’t think about him in despair or second-guess my decision. When I didn’t click with someone new, it wasn’t a huge deal anymore. I had my share of boring or bad dates, but I either laughed at them later or forgot them. I stopped making it mean that I would be alone forever. I dated more with a sense of curiosity and intention of brushing up on conversational skills, knowing that if things got real, I would be able to tell by my emotions. I trusted that guidance system and didn’t take “failures” so seriously.

And through all this, someone came into my life, someone new. All of the above were prerequisites, or else I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now. I wouldn’t have been able to let him in. I would have been stuck in limiting stories. Sometimes you don’t end up with the person you think you want, not because you’re not good enough, but because they aren’t what you truly want. They can’t love you or be there for you in the way you need.

I still believe in twin flames, enjoy the concept, and love new and empowering information on the subject. I have also realized that the wisdom of our Higher Selves can often be in conflict with what we think we want. If the idea of letting go in the ways I’ve described here makes you feel sad, maybe you aren’t ready yet. You can honor that because life will still take you where you need to be. It took me a long time to arrive at a point emotionally where I could do all the above, and when it happened, it felt so easy. I really didn’t have to think about it; I just did it.

We tell ourselves a lot of stories, but we should tell them with the understanding that maybe we don’t fully understand. That the story is still being written. That it will never be finished and is always open to revision.

And if we don’t like the story, we always have the power to change it.

You Are More Powerful and Intelligent Than You Know

dimitris-pantos-olJcZob2NnU-unsplash

You are not at the mercy of the universe or some power outside you for anything you want. Sometimes, however, your deepest desires may be at more intuitive, subconscious levels than you realize.

What’s something you’ve always thought of or fantasized about doing, and how does it conflict with what you may be manifesting at a conscious level?

As an example, I’ve often daydreamed about being a guitarist and playing on stage. But consciously, I’ve put more focus into my day job, writing, and love life. Conscious manifesting requires being realistic about our limits of time and energy and directing our resources in ways that can help achieve a goal. While I still enjoy fantasizing about being a famous guitarist and singer, and I will continue music lessons, I know that being a guitarist in a more significant sense is not the direction I’m manifesting in at present. I’m okay with that.

But sometimes, this happens in ways that aren’t as easy to accept. For instance, one can deeply desire a committed, stable relationship, yet constantly find himself drawn to unavailable partners or relationships where conflict abounds. This was the case for me – I shrugged off the idea of there being just one available, loving person I could be with and be happy, and yet, I craved a relationship like this. I couldn’t admit to myself that I wanted it, and it was even harder for me to believe that I deserved it. Who was I to have someone in my life to be wholly devoted to and loving me? It turns out, this wasn’t such a crazy idea…

And that’s really what is at the heart of any advice where someone says, “The universe has something better in mind for you.” You are the universe; if anything in your reality doesn’t satisfy or feel good to you, it’s at conflict with what You, at your Core, at your Essence, want for yourself.

When you strip away the past wounding and the ideas around what is possible for you, this is the undiluted truth of your heart.

You Deserve Love That Excites You

shelby-deeter--XlBjdtRqK8-unsplash

Yes, you. You deserve love that excites you.

I’ve noticed a lot of people associating a feeling of “butterflies” with anxiety or an unhealthy relationship dynamic. I’m of the opinion that there are different categories of butterflies. Yes, some can be from a nervous feeling you get just before you take uninspired action (i.e. action stemming from anxiety or a sense that you can’t have what you want). It may have also come up if you’ve ever been in an abusive situation that left you shaking and with knots in your stomach.

But then there are the butterflies you get right before you kiss someone you’ve wanted to kiss for a long time. There is the electricity of skin on skin contact with someone you adore. There are feelings of warmth that you get all over when you’re in someone’s arms, someone you care for, someone special to you. These are good butterflies. These are the ones you deserve to experience.

I feel that a lot of people have been settling into connections where their heart isn’t all in, or maybe they are even a bit bored, because they feel safer in those. They don’t bring up those feelings of anxiety or neediness. There is nothing wrong with that. But as a free spirit, I prefer being alone over a situation where I feel just so-so. I have worked hard for everything I have in my life, and I don’t want to share it with just anyone. I have a big heart and beautiful love to give, and I want to share it with someone who wants every bit of that, who is willing to give it back.

I used to believe the Universe was something outside me, an external force guiding all the decisions of my life and the people who enter it. The Universe seemed cruel, for it would introduce me to someone I love and then seem to pull them away. “There is someone better,” everyone would tell me, but this started to sound like a broken record the fourth and fifth times it happened. I got tired of it. Something better was always projected out into the future and never within my grasp.

There comes a time when you’ve healed enough to trust the yearnings of your heart, but if you continually believe that something better is in the future and not right now, you make that true. Of course, it is possible to keep attracting new people, but if this belief is not addressed, the outcomes can all be the same.

And so what is there to do when you’ve realized you can trust in what or who you want, but nothing seems to come of it yet? You can rest in the knowing that you deserve that love and live your life knowing it is already yours. There is nothing you need to do or be to get that love. You already have it. There is no void, and there is nothing wrong.

Love can be a feeling long before it becomes an action. If it is possible for you to think of someone every day and yet not reach out to them for months or years, or show external signs of that love, or tell all your friends about it, why should it be so impossible that the feeling could be reciprocal?

This is not to say that you should put your life on hold or that you will need to wait more months and years, but life takes on an entirely different hue when you move forward in it knowing you are loved and you can trust your heart. Life becomes gentler. The Universe feels like a friend. It is much easier to be engaged in your life, whether alone or with someone else, when you have a core belief that you are loved by those you love and everything is alright. Not just alright, but wonderful.

The Universe isn’t cruel. It isn’t anything, other than what you make it.

There isn’t some Jedi Council sitting out in the ether discussing your potential mates, comparing ancient scrolls and deciding who is supposed to be in your life and who is supposed to leave.

There is nothing outside you deciding how your life is supposed to go, unless you truly want and believe that. A lot of people are probably comforted by such ideas, but I am not.

You deserve love that excites you. You deserve to be with the people you love. But if that isn’t possible right now, you deserve to go on creating a life that you love, free of worry. There truly is nothing to worry about. The ones you’re missing now will catch up to you.

There is an over-used quote that many people have said to me about love, and it is this: “Love finds you when you least expect it.” I believe it should be modified to: “You are already loved, and this will become more apparent to you become more engaged in your life and no longer need that love or see it as something to fill your void. You have no void.”

Everything you choose for yourself should excite you and give you good feelings.

And yes, sometimes these feelings will be good butterflies. So don’t be afraid of them!

Living As If – It’s Simpler Than You Think

freestocks-org-_3Q3tsJ01nc-unsplash

“Living as if” has been one of those LOA concepts that was always unclear to me.

If you live as if you’re a millionaire, does that mean you’re supposed to go on a shopping spree with your credit cards? Then you sit back and know that the money to pay your bill will come in before your balance becomes past due? If you live as if you already have the relationship you desire, does that mean you can never flirt with anyone else? That you should never bask in the attention of another suitor?

I’ve come to understand this concept in a new way this year, and I want to share my take on it. As a result of living this way, life has become more relaxed. Negative thoughts aren’t as big of a deal as they used to be. And it works!

Living as if isn’t about doing anything that is outside your comfort zone to prove that you are in alignment with your desire. Let’s throw out the idea that we ever have to do anything to prove to the universe that we’re in alignment or deserving.

Alignment is about your ability to feel good and at peace. If you care about how you feel and make your peace a priority, then alignment will come more naturally to you. As far as deserving goes – abundance, love, joy, and peace are our birthright. While some of us may not have come into this life choosing those things, no one person is any more or less deserving of them than another.

In the example of attracting financial abundance, I would try thinking more from the perspective of someone who has been a millionaire for quite some time. If I had been a millionaire for years, and this was my life now, I wouldn’t go on big spending binges or shopping sprees often. Yes, I know that might sound strange. For some of you, maybe retail therapy is your love language to yourself, but it is not mine. Even if it is your language, making a subtle shift first is all it takes to move into this mindset of abundance and create that reality for yourself.

Instead, I would be mindful of the small, day-to-day thoughts I have about money. I would shift my thoughts toward the perspective of having been a millionaire for several years. In that reality, I wouldn’t feel guilty about spending a little extra for a healthy meal that I don’t have to cook myself. I wouldn’t feel concerned about taking money out of my savings account for home repairs or a down payment on a new car. These are all necessary things that add quality to my life.

When a company party came up, and the boss asked everyone to contribute $15 for a small gift, I wouldn’t grumble about that. I wouldn’t feel burdened by it. What’s $15 to a millionaire?

You don’t need to go out of your way or make big purchases that will stress you out later. If you could simply attach less worry to these things that come up in your day-to-day, that would make a huge difference. It’s true that money can’t buy love, but it can eliminate a whole lot of sleepless nights and headaches. Therefore, abundance feels like peace. What other words come to mind when you think of a life where you can always provide for yourself (and have fun, too)?

They key is making small, simple shifts that feel good. It’s not about the dollar amounts you spend or making some grand gesture to prove you’re a different person. Lining up with your more desired version of you is about what you’re thinking in each moment. It’s not only about what you’re doing, but the energy behind those actions. It is better not to take actions that will draw your attention to when and how the windfall is going to come. That puts you in a state of noticing and reaffirming that it’s not here yet, which only attracts more of that reality.

Ask yourself some questions about how you’re spending your day presently. What would be different about that if you were already living your desired reality? “For starters, I wouldn’t go to work!” you might say. Yes, that’s a very good point. You can still go to work without attaching so much importance to the negativity you feel about it. Think about what would make your job more bearable. It is okay if you can’t quite imagine yourself at your dream job or never having to work. Experiencing negative feelings and unwanted manifestations doesn’t have to be a big deal. It is only the importance you attach to them that creates “blocks.”

If you had the relationship you desire, would you be checking your phone throughout the day? Would you scroll through Facebook for hours? This is a nervous habit that many people have, this desire to “check up” on things. When the present reality is far from your desired one, it is better to ignore it as much as possible. Scrolling through your phone to check for signs of your manifestation – or checking anything external for confirmation – is not the best idea. And it’s not living as if.

Should you enjoy the attentions of others or date other people if there is a specific relationship you want to manifest? On the one hand, I feel it is a good idea because it can boost your self-esteem. On the other hand, it may only make you more aware that the person you truly love is absent. These are potentials that you must weigh for yourself. There are no universal rules in manifesting, and there are no limits. It all comes down to your beliefs and feelings. Your truths.

As always, I believe in you. I know you have the ability to create a life you love with everything you desire and more.

Have a great week!