What is it that you’re believing, feeling, and thinking about yourself? If you don’t know, then getting to the bottom of this can be extraordinarily helpful when it comes to manifesting relationships!
The truth (for me) is, we interpret ALL situations through our beliefs – social, professional, financial, home, you name it. My anecdote today is based on relationships.
That we interpret situations through our beliefs is most obvious in cases of ambiguity, where another person’s feelings and intentions remain unspoken. We’re left to fill in the blank about what might be going through their mind… and that’s not always a great thing, if your self-talk is not based in kindness. If you believe negative things about yourself, you’ll often project these onto other people. This projection in turn can cause them to push away from you – it’s a vicious cycle of belief, projection, reception. Let me give you an example.
Almost exactly one year ago, I went to a meditation led by a spiritual teacher who is popular in my area. It was completely happenstance, and I had no idea what to expect. The meditation was powerful and fun. I spoke to this person who led it before and after the meditation. I felt an instant, magnetic attraction to him. I loved his smile and the way he went in for a hug before telling me goodnight.
I handed him my business card since that had my phone number on it, and I decided to leave the interpretation of that gesture up to him. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted with him, but since I felt that chemistry, I was willing to find out.
To my very pleasant surprise, I received a message from him the next day, asking if we could meet up. He sent me the address to a beautiful lake house, and I made my way to him.
It was clear through his energy that he felt attracted to me. We had a nice time together. I listened to him play the guitar and we chatted for a while. But after that day, he went back to touring and didn’t contact me anymore. He never spoke of his thoughts or feelings toward me that day or afterward. I didn’t know if he wanted to be friends, lovers, nothing…? If he was just curious? I assumed he didn’t have interest anymore after meeting me, or he was disappointed by me somehow.
I assumed I had messed everything up, and I felt quite depressed about this for a long time. I never entertained positive possibilities, such as:
- He may have felt afraid of how strong the attraction was.
- Maybe he liked me, but his life was too hectic for him to feel he had anything to offer me. He didn’t want to get my hopes up.
- He could have already been in another relationship. This was not ideal, but still better than me not being good enough.
- Maybe I didn’t like him as much as I thought, and I just wanted him to reach out so that I could feel validated. (Ouch… but I’m being honest!) Intuitively, he could have picked up on that.
Instead, I was looking at myself critically and thinking if only I had done something different, maybe things would have turned out better. I was also angry at him for his lack of communication. I thought of the beach house and the beauty of that day, the electricity in the air from our energies first recognizing one another the night before it. It felt horrible, when I felt as though all of it had slipped away from me because of some failing on my part. I went back and forth between anger at myself and anger at him. Since I’ve been studying the LOA more over the last year, I had to come to terms with the fact that I attracted this situation – the good and the bad.
My core belief about myself at that time was that I was not enough. I saw the situation only through that lens. Some of my favorite LOA teachers say that everything in life is neutral and is only “activated” by the meaning you give it. In the absence of a very clear meaning for this man no longer contacting me, I assigned the situation a negative interpretation.
I felt bad about that memory for a year after it occurred. I am not blaming myself for feeling this way, and I no longer wish that things had gone differently. I am acknowledging what I held as truth at the time and seeing how that could have influenced the situation, made it turn out the way it did. People, whether intuitively gifted or not, can unwittingly pick up on how we feel about ourselves. It influences the way they treat us, for better or for worse.
Now that I am coming into a much more positive view of myself, I am seeing these other possibilities. Yet I have found through my shifting that I no longer have an interest in this man. That can happen as you raise your vibration. As you shift, it’s natural to change your mind about the things or relationships you want. Even if you don’t change your mind, it’s a wonderful sign if you come to a state of relaxation about the situation or person you want in your life. This helps you to detach and allow the universe to orchestrate things for your desired outcome.
Now, with other people I enjoy, I have become much more conscious of my underlying thoughts and am able to shift them more easily, if needed. I have been working on my self-love and self-worth a lot over the past year. In cases where things are open-ended, I direct my thoughts toward the good possibilities. Just about one hundred percent of the time, my relationships with these people improve as a result.
For instance, if a friend does not return my call or e-mail, I think to myself, “I am sure he’s busy and will get back to me when he has time. He wants to communicate when he can focus and give me his undivided attention.” (The old way was to assume I had done something wrong and believe that person would never contact me again.)
I do not cling to the positive thoughts for dear life or feel desperate to get a response. I am not trying to convince myself that everything is okay so that I can feel better. I already feel good. It is not a means to an end. I don’t need the people I love to validate me anymore. It’s nice when they do, but I don’t feel debilitated and worthless if they don’t.
I already feel okay exactly as I am, which is key. I let go or distract myself after feeling this positive emotion, this acceptance. In this way, I have often found that the person in my mind reaches out to me within 24 hours or less.
The more ambiguous or open-ended a situation, the easier it can be to direct the energy toward a positive outcome. This is especially true if you can exercise self-love and self-worth. It is still possible in cases where a relationship or situation has become difficult or you and your person no longer speak. It can be harder to shift the energy when that is the case, since we tend to hold on to the negative memories and fear that unwanted situations will repeat. This is why I would suggest using LOA to shift ambiguous situations into positive ones first. You’ll want to prove to yourself that you can really do it, before you try this method on a more difficult situation or person.
What might have happened, if I had gone home from the lake house feeling reassured and strong within myself, rather than doubting and worrying whether this person would call me? Well, I don’t know, and it truly doesn’t matter. The outcome may have been slightly different, but now, I don’t feel that the attraction to him ran as deeply as I thought it did when we met. I am glad this happened because if it had not, I might not be writing this blog now. Now I am intending that I am done with learning hard and heartbreaking lessons through how others treat me, because I know how to treat myself with love and respect. Now I can manifest with the people who are truly meant to be in my heart.
If you have noticed painful patterns repeating in your relationships, take a look at your core beliefs about yourself. Where does your mind go when someone’s intentions toward you are left unclear? Do you automatically go to doubt and fear, or can you relax into who you are and what you know?
Please know I am here to help and always wishing the best for you.