You Deserve Love That Excites You

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Yes, you. You deserve love that excites you.

I’ve noticed a lot of people associating a feeling of “butterflies” with anxiety or an unhealthy relationship dynamic. I’m of the opinion that there are different categories of butterflies. Yes, some can be from a nervous feeling you get just before you take uninspired action (i.e. action stemming from anxiety or a sense that you can’t have what you want). It may have also come up if you’ve ever been in an abusive situation that left you shaking and with knots in your stomach.

But then there are the butterflies you get right before you kiss someone you’ve wanted to kiss for a long time. There is the electricity of skin on skin contact with someone you adore. There are feelings of warmth that you get all over when you’re in someone’s arms, someone you care for, someone special to you. These are good butterflies. These are the ones you deserve to experience.

I feel that a lot of people have been settling into connections where their heart isn’t all in, or maybe they are even a bit bored, because they feel safer in those. They don’t bring up those feelings of anxiety or neediness. There is nothing wrong with that. But as a free spirit, I prefer being alone over a situation where I feel just so-so. I have worked hard for everything I have in my life, and I don’t want to share it with just anyone. I have a big heart and beautiful love to give, and I want to share it with someone who wants every bit of that, who is willing to give it back.

I used to believe the Universe was something outside me, an external force guiding all the decisions of my life and the people who enter it. The Universe seemed cruel, for it would introduce me to someone I love and then seem to pull them away. “There is someone better,” everyone would tell me, but this started to sound like a broken record the fourth and fifth times it happened. I got tired of it. Something better was always projected out into the future and never within my grasp.

There comes a time when you’ve healed enough to trust the yearnings of your heart, but if you continually believe that something better is in the future and not right now, you make that true. Of course, it is possible to keep attracting new people, but if this belief is not addressed, the outcomes can all be the same.

And so what is there to do when you’ve realized you can trust in what or who you want, but nothing seems to come of it yet? You can rest in the knowing that you deserve that love and live your life knowing it is already yours. There is nothing you need to do or be to get that love. You already have it. There is no void, and there is nothing wrong.

Love can be a feeling long before it becomes an action. If it is possible for you to think of someone every day and yet not reach out to them for months or years, or show external signs of that love, or tell all your friends about it, why should it be so impossible that the feeling could be reciprocal?

This is not to say that you should put your life on hold or that you will need to wait more months and years, but life takes on an entirely different hue when you move forward in it knowing you are loved and you can trust your heart. Life becomes gentler. The Universe feels like a friend. It is much easier to be engaged in your life, whether alone or with someone else, when you have a core belief that you are loved by those you love and everything is alright. Not just alright, but wonderful.

The Universe isn’t cruel. It isn’t anything, other than what you make it.

There isn’t some Jedi Council sitting out in the ether discussing your potential mates, comparing ancient scrolls and deciding who is supposed to be in your life and who is supposed to leave.

There is nothing outside you deciding how your life is supposed to go, unless you truly want and believe that. A lot of people are probably comforted by such ideas, but I am not.

You deserve love that excites you. You deserve to be with the people you love. But if that isn’t possible right now, you deserve to go on creating a life that you love, free of worry. There truly is nothing to worry about. The ones you’re missing now will catch up to you.

There is an over-used quote that many people have said to me about love, and it is this: “Love finds you when you least expect it.” I believe it should be modified to: “You are already loved, and this will become more apparent to you become more engaged in your life and no longer need that love or see it as something to fill your void. You have no void.”

Everything you choose for yourself should excite you and give you good feelings.

And yes, sometimes these feelings will be good butterflies. So don’t be afraid of them!

Turn What Ails You Into Your Creation

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We all have that one “thing” that seems to stay on in the background of our minds, waiting to present itself when we feel inclined toward a more “down” mood – those times that we’re tired, had a rough day at work, had a bit too much to drink, and our defenses are down.

That “thing” tends to be something we see as unable to be resolved and can be related to a deep trauma – not receiving enough love as a child, or not being able to be close to the people we love most, for instance.

This “thing” is perfectly valid, and of course it makes you feel this way. Who wouldn’t want to stay in bed with all the blinds and curtains closed, or binge eat, or insert your coping mechanism here, with this “thing” hanging over you? There is no need to feel ashamed of how you’ve handled this before, but I want to help you go about your self-soothing process more intentionally. You can do this while planting seeds so that what you want becomes your reality. It may take some time, but your efforts will be well worth it and lead to a happier, healthier, more balanced you!

What if I told you it’s not really the “thing” you’re after, but the emotional state you believe you’ll achieve once you have it?

That’s why sometimes, getting a long-held desire fulfilled can be a bittersweet experience. It feels good, but at the same time, you might feel a bit like, “I could’ve survived, even if it didn’t happen. I even feel like I want a little more.”

Sometimes, we use the “thing” to withhold our own love and approval from ourselves, which sends us further spiraling into misery and defeat. I can’t tell you how many times I have been my own worst enemy when something I wanted didn’t seem to work out. I always blamed myself. “If I had been a better person, I would have gotten that.” “If I weren’t so shy, this would have happened.” “If I had worked harder, this would be done by now.”

Rather than confining yourself to your bedroom or reaching for your coping mechanism, I want you to get into the habit of imagining how it would feel to get that “thing” resolved, once and for all. You can have fun visualizing how this might happen to help you get into the feeling state you’re craving. One exercise that I enjoy doing is the “What If” exercise that I’ve seen most often used by people practicing law of attraction. For it to work, you must be willing to suspend your disbelief and skepticism for just a few minutes. Dismiss the past; what happened before doesn’t matter, because anything is possible when you’re feeling better and acting from a place of self-love, wanting the highest good of all involved in the situation.

You don’t have to do this for long stretches of time. Start small. It only takes 3-5 minutes for the exercise to create a good feeling state. Can’t do whole minutes? Seconds are fine, too. This is a skill that improves with practice. For best results, do this every day.

In the case of not being in a loved one’s life – what if this person reached out to you and struck up a conversation? If initiating contact is out of character for them, what if something happened in their life that made them realize just how much they care for you? Maybe they would apologize outright if that seems appropriate, or maybe they would just talk to you, ask what you’re up to, how you are. What if this person wanted to connect with you purely because they enjoy your company? What if this person realized your value to them? What if this conversation led to you seeing this person? What if you were able to stop dwelling on the absence of them in your life because they made the effort to be present? How nice would that feel?

When you stop to think about it, the what ifs don’t seem so outrageous. You’re a good person, and you care deeply for those you love. You’re learning to create by love, not fear, so the only way for things to go is up. Forget how you’ve done in the past. You’re creating from a new space now.

You can create your own “What Ifs” if these don’t work for you. There is no way to do the exercise incorrectly. Remember, the objective here is to improve your mood and create the feeling state of having the love, connection, peace, etc. that you desire. Nothing exists outside you. If the person you cared about really did reach out, they didn’t generate your feelings of joy and being loved for you. Those feelings came from inside you, in response to whatever the person did to show you they care.

Since you can generate any feeling for yourself with the aid of your imagination, what I’m suggesting is not to wait for the outside stimuli to trigger that response.

All it takes to create a difference and that strong current of positivity within yourself is a few seconds, preferably every day, or as often as you can.

Please give yourself permission to stop holding that “thing” over yourself, using it to berate yourself for any past mistakes or justify why you cannot love yourself. You can be the person you want to be right now. We’ve all done things we regret – it’s very human and part of why we’re here – but you have a chance to be the person you want to be immediately. All it takes is a shift in your mindset.