Default Thoughts in a Twin Flame Connection

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Last week, I wrote about the concept of default thoughts and shared a couple of personal anecdotes. While you may not relate to my experience, I hope I conveyed the concept and made it easier to understand.
 
Default negative thoughts can be ways of thinking you inherited from loved ones. They can also be from your own experiences that didn’t go well in the past. They can make solutions hard to see and keep you stuck in attracting the same unwanted outcomes.
 
These thoughts can also pop up in your twin flame connection. They may make you act in ways that are contrary to your heart’s desire, and this can keep you stuck in unwanted cycles. I wanted to address them again, from this aspect. I will share my personal experience. If you do not relate to the specifics, there may still be something you can glean from it.
 
My biggest challenge on this path has been faith. I have found it hard to maintain a positive attitude about my desired outcome. I have found it difficult to believe that I can be in a loving relationship with someone I want in mind, body, and soul. Several times, I have had the option to settle for something less than what I wish for and deserve. I had this lingering feeling of: “This will never happen, so I am going to explore this other thing instead. I am going to try to force this other thing to be as good as what I actually want.”
 
Sometimes these options have come in physically desirable packages with lovely accents. They provided a distraction from the things in my life that I didn’t want to see or feel. Eventually, I reached a point where I didn’t want a distraction. I was ready for something deeper and more authentic.

I reached a point where I didn’t want a distraction. I was ready for something deeper and more authentic.

 
When I got to know these men more, I came up against traits that don’t mesh well with my soft-spoken and gentle nature. I found that they bored easily, that they didn’t like a calm life and always needed some kind of drama unfolding. I found that they held strong opinions and brushed off my own ideas and feelings. They didn’t listen to me. I felt like I wasn’t enough for them. My lack of self-love pushed me to attach to these men more, to chase them for a time. To do all I could for even a glimmer of the passion in their glance when at first, all was carefree and fun between us.
 
I wanted my twin flame and all his amazing traits. I wanted the way he looks at me. I wanted the way he loves me. I was looking for him in connections with men I didn’t truly love or even admire, once I got to know them better.
 
I’ve come to realize that I had a lot of default thoughts. These worked against my ability to attract my desire. I was also attracting the right types of people to bring up these beliefs. My twin wasn’t right for helping me to work on these, because nothing about his nature reinforces any of the following:
 
  • True love is difficult to come by.
  • A relationship where two people are in love and stay that way is very rare.
  • I must be someone other than myself to attract and keep a man.
  • I’m not beautiful.
  • I have to jump on the first opportunity that seems like it could work out.
 
When put together and all spelled out, these can sound obvious. It may seem like I was slacking on my inner work. However, these are programs that run in the background. They can be difficult to notice, because they’re so ingrained. I picked them up from watching how women around me behaved. I watched how their significant others treated them. I picked up their negative self-talk.
 
I was not always conscious of this from moment to moment. It was more when I looked back on my experiences and started to put things together that I became aware of them.
 
This is why affirmations, hypnosis, or meditations to change your innermost beliefs and/or generate positive feelings can be so beneficial. You must repeat the beliefs conducive to the reality you want to live. Repetition helps you believe. It is important that you do not give too much attention to things that can pull you back into the reality you don’t want. If you do this by accident, you can always correct your course as soon as you become aware. If this takes a few tries, don’t worry about it. Shifting deep-seated beliefs can be a bit like trying to clean gunk off something in your house that has never been cleaned. It takes repetitive motions and elbow grease!
 

You must repeat the beliefs conducive to the reality you want to live. Repetition helps you believe.

 

If you find yourself drawn into less desirable realities, or in connections that aren’t right for you, you can trust. Trust that there is something to become aware of from these experiences. Trust that the love between you and your twin flame is unconditional. There is nothing you can do to mess up the connection. You cannot ruin your chances of a happy relationship with the one you love. Any belief you hold that is contrary to this can be shifted.

Every Day (More Thoughts on Faith)

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Since I wrote a post about faith earlier in the week, I’ve had a few more thoughts about this subject come through and wanted to share them. I know they will reach whoever it is that needs them right now. I have faith in that!

I don’t mean faith in a religious sense, but if that is what appeals to you and the spin you want to put on this, by all means. I mean faith in a sense that you believe life has a purpose and that purpose is something better than you expected. I also mean faith in a happy love story with your twin flame, the law of attraction working positively for you, or whatever it is that makes you feel better when you think of it. Whatever it is that encourages you and keeps you going in your darkest, loneliest moments. Whatever that is for you, that’s what I’m talking about.

Every day, we are given a reason why we shouldn’t have faith. A reason why any doubt we may feel is valid. A sense that what we want will never work out.

Every day, we are introduced to a person who doesn’t believe as we do, or who disrespects our beliefs in some way, whether that is by mocking us or outright telling us all the reasons we’re wrong or crazy to have faith. Some might even say we’re “living in denial.” Some might not say anything, but you can feel it in their energy.

Every day, most of us log in to social media and see a barrage of negativity in the form of news articles meant to produce mass fear and people who want to add fear on top of fear or hurt others to the degree that they’ve been hurt.

Every day, we have to choose whether we will keep faith or go back into the shadows of doubt, fear, and confusion. Whether we will stay the course that feels true to our hearts, even when all physical evidence seems to suggest we’re “living in denial,” or whether we will take another path that makes us feel uneasy, like we’re sinking, or like something is missing. Whether we will continue on in a way that leaves room for the most wonderful and unexpected miracles, or put our heads down and block out all possibilities of wonder, peace, and excitement.

Am I physically together and in a relationship with my twin flame? No. Am I working at the job of my dreams? No. Am I making money with my writing? No (okay, this is actually a tiny lie… I am making some).

Do I believe there is a reason for all these “failures” and that they are setting me up for a future beyond my wildest dreams? You bet! As a bonus, they have been strengthening my faith and ability to consciously use the LOA. When you want to build your muscles, at first, maybe you feel like you’re going to die, or you feel like a joke when you can’t hold up a two-pound weight. It’s when you work through that pain and embarrassment and refuse to give up that you get anywhere! If you threw down the dumbbells as easily as you throw down your faith, or you curled up in despair every time someone teased you, nothing would change.

At first, my faith was more a soft entertainment of certain ideas. It was a nice, gentle thought to fall asleep to. Some days, that’s the most it can be, especially if my mood has dipped.

If you go looking for it, you’ll find all kinds of material and “proof” that speaks against law of attraction, twin flames, spirituality in general. If you want to add fuel to the fire of your doubts, you can always find it. You can always choose that.

But you can also choose to give sunlight and water to what brings you peace, what feels like a healing balm on your weary soul. You can tune in to energies that uplift you or soothe you.

Life is about what you choose. If you want to choose a life drastically different from the one you’ve lived in the past, it’s probably going to require a bit of faith. Or a lot of faith. It’s going to require you to open yourself to the possibility of a beautiful present and future – not just say you’re open and bitterly wonder why the new isn’t here yet, but really be open while in a state of peace and curiosity. Remain open in the face of doubt, fear, naysayers, and events that seem negative.

Faith is a choice. If our beliefs in the goodness/purpose of our lives as humans were proven by science, faith wouldn’t be necessary.

Every day, there will always be some new reason why we “shouldn’t” have faith. A new fear-mongering article. Another person talking about how their twin flame is a dirtbag. Another way you feel inadequate and unworthy of what you desire.

It’s easy to give these things a lot of air time in your brain and reaffirm them all the time. It’s not easy (at least, not at first) to have faith in something better. It’s not easy to let go of your fear.

I spent the first twenty-three years of my life in misery and hopelessness. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. If faith had been easy for me, I wouldn’t be writing this now. But I am writing to show it can be done. You can choose to believe that life is good, or that it’s about love, or miracles, or composing a masterpiece, or literally whatever you want. The only reason it doesn’t seem to be about that yet is because you aren’t choosing it, or you aren’t unwavering in your choice. And I’m sure you have plenty of reasons why. I’m acknowledging it’s easy to get off track. I’m admitting that faith isn’t the easiest path for most of you reading this.

The more you practice it, the easier it will become.

I see you out there, the light flickering unsteadily in your heart while you teeter on the edge of despair and wonder if you should just go back there. It’s familiar territory, you reason. There is more proof that it is right, you say. This is more acceptable to people and less weird, you think.

I have never seen one scientifically proven way to live life for guaranteed results in every category, so I am going out on a limb and choosing what feels best to me. Why? Because it helps me sleep at night. Because it gets me up in the morning. Because in the first twenty-three years of my life, I never knew peace like this. Because I have met a lot of gifted and kind people through my faith, and they have lit the path for me when it got dark. Because my relationships have improved. Because I’ve started to bring in more income. Because my writing has become stronger and more genuine than ever before. I could go on…

It’s all because I realized that every day, I choose, and I became conscious of what I am choosing.

I also read success stories of people who are happily with their twin flame and working with the LOA to make all their other dreams come true.

I reach out to people who inspire me.

I give myself space to feel down and know I will come back up when I’m ready.

I think about my faith and feel grateful for it. I feel grateful for the people who encourage me when I’m low on my faith.

Every day.

Twin Flames, Faith, & Other Love Interests or Suitors

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I wanted to share what I’ve learned on the above subject. It’s a little personal, and while I hope not to get too personal, it’s necessary to share some details.

If you resonate with twin flames and feel that connection with someone, then you probably also recognize that this journey is one of faith. Faith can easily be the most difficult aspect, because we are accustomed to looking for results on the outside before we make any shifts internally. As you understand more how reality works, you know this is backwards. It can lead us to go in circles and feel unable to shift a situation.

We are also presented with many tests on this path, some of them in the form of other love interests or suitors. I feel that this is the universe saying to me, “Will you take this chance to settle for less than what you want, or will you keep the faith?” Before I became more at peace with all of it, I felt the question was, “What’s wrong with you, that you can’t take these opportunities with other potentials?” It left me feeling hopeless, that I would be alone forever. I tried more than I should have to make some of these other opportunities work, at the expense of my deep sensitivities.

If you find yourself interested romantically or sexually in another person – first of all, that’s completely normal, and there is nothing wrong with it. But you might find, when that happens and especially if it’s rare, you’re attracted to the person because they have traits that remind you of your TF. When this has happened for me and I pursued it, my TF was always in the background of my thoughts.

It was him I really wanted, regardless of whether I could be happy with someone else. I found that these relationships naturally fell away or didn’t work out for whatever reason. It was never because I brought up my TF or seemed hung up on him in any way. Usually, it was the other person who wanted to end things.

As you work on yourself spiritually and raise your vibration, you’re going to be overwhelmed with people who want some of your energy, and many of them might put a romantic interpretation on this. It does not matter what you look like; raising your vibration can make you physically attractive. (I know people who have used law of attraction to lose weight and even look younger.) Not to mention, people will see the light in your heart and not all of them will have the best intentions – the problem is, they aren’t aware of this. They just see this beautiful, compassionate, caring person that you are, and they want to make you theirs somehow.

This can be confusing at first. When it happened for me, I wondered, “Where are these men coming from, and why so suddenly? Am I not being open enough to the opportunities the universe is giving me?” The truth was, I was attracted to none of them, and as I became more aware that they loved my compassion and care more than me as a person, I slowly backed away. Because of my gifts, I understood them and was able to make them feel seen, but this was often one-sided. I did not receive it in return. Some of them said that I treated them in a way that no other woman ever had – and this was simply because I listened to them and validated their feelings. While that is a shame that it’s not a more common occurrence in their lives, this did not equate to love. True love takes much more than this, and it must flow both ways in order for both parties to feel satisfied and healthy.

If you are not yet in alignment with TF union on all levels, please don’t feel guilty if you seem to be having many other chances for a partner, but you aren’t accepting them. If you experience many suitors and wonder whether to accept their offers of companionship, look carefully at the other person’s energy and intentions toward you.

Some questions you might ask yourself:

  1. Does my body tense up when this person talks to me?
  2. Does this person offer more problems than solutions?
  3. Does this person seem clingy, or like they want more than I can give them right now?
  4. Are they being patient and kind, or demanding and passive-aggressive? Does it seem like they make up problems to get my attention?

These questions are especially important for those of you who identify as empaths.

One such suitor in my life threatened suicide after I turned him down. This was after I had given the relationship an honest try, but he behaved in a way that hurt me. After he told me he wanted to die, I spent the rest of the day desperately trying to help him and called the suicide prevention line for him, since he wouldn’t call it himself. He suddenly stopped texting me and I feared the worst. For several months, I carried this in my heart, and then he reached out to me, out of the blue. I was so happy he was alive that I agreed to see him. It became apparent that he wanted more than I wanted to give him, but I felt afraid to say no again. He sensed that none of my heart was behind it and became angry with me. I eventually had to block him.

I knew I couldn’t help him, and even if I did love him, it wouldn’t change anything. He held on to the belief that life was hopeless and lonely. He held on to a deep dislike of humanity. I could not change these things for him. After working so hard on myself to emerge from my depression, I did not want to be around someone who could drag me back into my old ways of thinking and feeling.

Pay attention to your red flags, and don’t doubt yourself if you want to hold out for your true love. Remember that love is patient and kind. You will be a gentle healing agent to many in your lifetime, but you also deserve this in return. You deserve a partner who can be positive and strong for you as you are for him/her. You’ve done far too much work and gone too far just to go this far.

This is not even about “waiting” for your TF.

It’s about your faith that the universe has something wonderful in store for you.